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| One of the teachings that I heard as I was growing up was that of letting God direct your family. Basically this means husband and wife doing their normal marital thing without any thought of contraception or prevention or timing. The "doctrine" teaches that of course God loves us and He has our best in mind and if we just leave it in His hands, He will give us the family that He wants us to have, with the proper spacing between children, consideration for the health and sanity of the mother, and all of that - including finances. "If God gives you a child, He will give you the means to support that child." is how the teaching goes. It sounds very spiritual and maybe it is. I certainly don't know everything or have all the answers.
But Steph and I had to evaluate this teaching as we were deciding what we were going to do about children. We discussed a lot of things while we were tying to decide what to do. We rejected this teaching for a number of reasons.
1) Observation of others. We have known quite a few people who followed the teaching above until the health of the wife was completely destroyed from having several children right in a row. Apparently, when it gets to the point that the woman cannot even get out of bed to care for her kids or her husband, some folks decide to take some personal responsibility.
2) Danger. We believe that God can direct our families in this way. We are told that God is the one that opens and closes the womb. We are told that God specifically "planned" certain children. But if God doesn't do that for us, if my wife's health is destroyed, if she dies or one of my children die because her resources are completely spent, there is a danger that I will think that God doesn't care for us. If God cared for us, how could He let this happen? The danger is disillusionment and/or a loss of faith.
3) Lack of personal responsibility. I've heard people say this about so many things until it has very little meaning to me. I am reminded of the movie Kingdom of Heaven in which it was pointed out that people used "God's Will" to excuse themselves, or to commit atrocities. I've heard people use it in this way so many times. Use an inexperienced midwife to save on childbirth expenses, and then claim it was "God's will" when the child has brain damage because of complications during the delivery - complications that likely could have been avoided by a good midwife or other medical professional. Go for months without servicing a vehicle and then say, "It's God's will" when it breaks down. Perhaps it is God's will, but God created a natural order. In my opinion, if 10 million children die of malnutrition/starvation this year, it is not because it was "God's will". It is not because God desired for them to die and there was nothing that could have been done about it. It is because we (those of us who have more than enough to eat) didn't feed them.
4) Inconsistency. This teaching may fit in with the way other folks live their lives. It doesn't fit in with mine. I believe in personal responsibility. The medical profession is not responsible for my health and the school board isn't responsible for my child's education. I am. I trust God for the means to feed my family, yet I work, and my wife prepares meals. We don't sit around waiting to see what or if God is going to feed us tonight. We trust God with our safety and the safety of our children, yet we do our best to be safe, to protect, and to take no unnessary risks. We trust God to clothe us, yet we buy our clothes. Seeing the inconsistency in others is kinds of funny - in a tragic sort of way. They will "trust God" about conception, yet when they find that they are expecting, they carefully watch their diets and take prenatals. They take responsibility. It's rare that you would ever see somebody say, "Oh, we're not using any prenatal supplements or changing our diets at all, because we're trusting God with the health of the baby." (A related doctrine is trusting God for health.) Imagine a family member gets sick, and the family will do nothing saying that they are praying for healing. To some people this seems completely reasonable. Yet, we would have a fit if they were denying food to the family member and praying for them to be filled. Why? Because the means to help is at hand and it is irresponsible not to use it. I am reminded of the joke of the man stranded on the top of a building in a flood. A boat comes by and he declines to get in saying he is trusting God to rescue him. Another boat and then a helicopter get the same response. Eventually he drowns and then he asked God why He didn't save him. God says, "I sent two boats and a helicopter for you." God has given us the information and means to make wise choices, and in many cases to act upon those choices in a responsible matter. The results are fairly predictable when we fail to do so.
"We don't want to limit God." This is probably the most common phrase I have heard from folks that are trying to explain why they are following this teaching. HUH?!?!? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit to your stature? Are you so arrogant as to think that anything that you could do or even THINK of doing could limit God? Yikes.
*sigh* Ok, I think I've got everything out that was running around in this mind of mine. It's out there now. I can start thinking about other things again. Sorry, this has really been bothering me off and on for the last year, and especially the last couple of days. Back to whatever you were doing.
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| Steph told me about a thread on Crossings that was kind of interesting about how marriage is, compared to how you thought it would be. Got me thinking. And so I thought. And cogitated. Here are some of my thoughts.
The varnish has definitely worn off. We've been through a couple of years that were not free of hardship in a number of areas. Translation: it has not been easy. We had family stresses - both sides, financial stresses, job stresses, and in addition, it seems like we are destined to always have a jam-packed, crazy schedule. Not too long ago we finally came to the conclusion that our lives weren't going to slow down but were just going to run at varying high velocities and we had to enjoy each part as it came and not keep looking for the peace and calm, "after _______ or if we just get past _________ or . . . ", ad infinitum. We've had conflict. We've griped at each other. We sometimes get on each other's nerves. She's not perfect (almost, but not quite), and I'm not even close.
After 1 year my conclusion was, "This was the best year of my life. If the first year is the hardest as they say, the rest should be a breeze." The second year was harder in a lot of ways. The third may be harder still. And so, how is marriage for me compared to how I thought it would be? Better. I love sleeping with my wife. I'm not sure if that will ever get old. I love being close to her, holding her. I love being near her. If we're away from each other too long, one or the other will go looking. Sometimes I'll sit with her while she does her work, sometimes she'll sit with me while I do mine. Sometimes we work together. I'm happy, I'm content. I cannot remember a day or time that I wished not to be married to this woman in the last two years.
Of course, my wife is fantastic. Any of you that know her probably know her as a sweet, caring, loving woman. But, there is a hardness to her also. She is not putting on a show, but because she is all of the above things, she sometimes does good things when she doesn't feel like it. But I . . . I often get to experience the Steph that has no patience left, that has no tolerance left, that is at the end of her rope. Comparatively, she's a sweet, caring and loving woman in those times, although she feels bad about the way she's acting. 
This crazy girl of mine honors me, even when I'm ornery, follows me, even when she thinks I'm making a bad decision, pampers me, takes care of me and loves on me. She tries to always make sure that there is food in the house that I like to eat, snack food and real food, even though I am perfectly capable of going to the store myself (or ordering in).  She tries to make sure that I always have clean clothes available to wear - the ones that I like to wear, even though I am perfectly capable of running the washer. She tries to make sure that there is at least one good meal prepared and available for me to eat each day, even though I am perfectly capable of whipping together some stuff that could loosely be defined as "food". She does so many things for me that I can do myself, used to do myself, and now rarely do. It is easy to take those things for granted and sometimes I do. Meanwhile she is always talking about how she is a poor housekeeper. Maybe by some definitions. But I say that she is a great HOMEkeeper. She makes me happy. We spent 5 hours together on the road today. We talked the whole time. I enjoyed it thoroughly. And now, now she's in bed wanting to cuddle, so I have to run. I have a good wife. No. I have a great wife. Makes it easy to have a good marriage.
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| 9 weeks ago around this time I was posting that Noelle was born. 9 weeks. Wow! So much has transpired. We have had many nights of little sleep, we've gotten to know Noelle, we've moved across the country, we put in long hours of work on the business and the house, we've made a trip to GA for a wedding and to Chicago for business, we've hired some new people, hosted family for more than a week, met up with Jeff and Megan in Chicago, Steph's family and friends in GA, Jessi's family here, and through it all we've been toting little Noelle around. Steph has been fantastic. I could list a couple dozen things we've done in the last 4 months that most women would remember as "oh it was just so awful because I was nine months pregnant/had just had a baby" and Steph has done them with nary a complaint. In fact, she won't even remember them, because she doesn't even realize how amazing she has been or how BIG some of the things have been. She is truly a help meet for this man. I am in awe of her, and still I take her for granted sometimes.
She is a fantastic mother. Our little one is well-fed, well dressed, and has all sorts of gadgets and whatnot - and it didn't break our budget. You can go down the list in Proverbs 31 and she has most of the attributes, except for the rising early. I thank God for that, because that would drive me crazy. Oh, and she is not yet to the point of considering a field and buying it, but she's close. She's very special.
And, as if keeping up with me and Noelle and all the rest of the people who have been around weren't enough, she has also been an emotional support to many more through phone and internet. She has using the time that she spends nursing during the day, to call people and catch up. I'm so proud of her. I can't even tell you. Although I am trying.
We're enjoying life right now. Our personal lives are slowed a bit. We're taking a break from all the work that we've done. Business is picking up, but thankfully it doesn't require that much more input from us personally. So, we're just trying to put things in place, and get settled before August. We're going to attend a couple of weddings. Hopefully that will be a blessing for us and we can be a blessing to others.
We really love our new house, but it is hard for me to consider it my own. It is more than I think I ever dreamed of having and I'm still in shock I think. Kind of like I'm babysitting someone else's place, or renting for a while. We've got a nice guest room so come on over. Invite yourself. We love having people around. We've pretty much decided that life is never going to "slow down" for us, and so we must be content with the fast pace, and make times of quiet and peace for ourselves in spite of it. We feel like we are just stewards of the things that we have and have committed ourselves and those things to being blessings to others. If any of you knows of people in need that you think we can help, let us know.
I think I'll head off to bed now. It is so much better for the soul, to count blessings than to count sorrows or needs. I'm going to go cuddle with one of my biggest blessings now.
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| If you read Steph's blog, this is a repeat. Skip.
So, baby Noelle was born at 1:01 am. She's getting something to eat
right now. She has yet to be weighed or measured, so Steph will have to
give you all the details. I'm sure she'll get opportunity to post
something in the next few days as she will need to be laying down the
whole time. So, the specifics I know.
*Girl
*Noelle Faith Tallent
*Born 1:01am
Stephie and Noelle are doing just great. Both of us cried when she came
out. No pictures yet, because there is just too much skin running
around and not enough clothes. I'll try to post something tomorrow if
Steph doesn't. Thanks for all of your prayers. There were times when we
didn't think we were going to make it through. Steph had some scar
tissue, probably from the miscarriages, that was preventing the
dilation of the cervix and keeping it from lining up with the birth
canal. Breaking it was extremely painful. I'm sure Steph will
appreciate any well wishing.
--steve
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